Andre Smith's Man Boobs (Moobs)

Is this the look of a first-round NFL draft pick?

Who is this: Biz Markie or Andre Smith?

Does he not have friends or coaches close enough to tell him to strap down those puppies and put on a t-shirt to run his 40?

Man, Smith has a tight set of man boobs. Those moobs can't be helping his draft stock right now.

For those that don't know, this is former University of Alabama LT Andre Smith. He was once considered a top-5 NFL prospect but has since seen his stock plummet after skipping out on the NFL Combine and accentuating his moobs by running a shirtless 40-yard dash at the Alabama Pro Day.

Tales from Morton Kid

Before the post-St. Paddy's Day Parade Crawfish Boil on Saturday, Papa Red and I took the 2-year-old Li'l Man to Morton Park. An attention-deprived, eleven-year-old kid with two lazy eyes, who was as wide as he was tall, befriended us and initialized a one-way conversation by pointing to Li'l Man and asking Papa, "Are you his Grandaddy?"

Papa: "Yeah."

Morton Kid turns to me and says, "He's got a good Grandaddy. My Grandaddy ain't worth nuthin'. He done cheated on my Grandmama six times. The last time was with an 18-year-old girl. And she was baaad retarded. And fat. Reeeal fat."

A few minutes later, Morton Kid proudly states, "I'm gittin' baptized tomorrow. But two friends of mine got baptized at that church last week. And they said that water was ice cold. So I'm wearin' a scuda suit."

One Great Thing

A few days ago, I read a teaser for what I think will be a great novel by Jason Otis. One Great Thing is a quarter finalist for the Amazon.com Breakthrough Novel Award and an excerpt can be read here:

http://www.amazon.com/One-Great-Thing-Amazon-Breakthrough/dp/B001UG3CNA

Memo to Crybaby Jay

Hey Crybaby Jay Cutler, shut up and play football.

When there are publicized rifts between owners and players, fans and players, players and whatever, I normally find myself siding with the players. I usually defend their salaries and rights to privacy, but Crybaby Jay, I'm siding with your Coach and the Broncos on your little belly-achin'.

The Broncos hired former Pat's Coach Josh McDaniels to take over head coaching duties in Denver in the wake of Mike Shanahan's firing. McDaniels and the Broncos attempted to trade Cutler to the Chiefs in exchange for Matt Cassell in a three-way trade with the Patriots that fell through. Cutler caught wind of the botched trade attempt and proceeded to begin crying about it. He is now skipping meetings, has put his Denver home up for sale, and is demanding to be traded.

Look Crybaby, sack up and play ball. You are in a business that is cut-throat, and teams and coaches will do whatever it takes to win games. Your new Coach wanted to bring in a QB that he was comfortable with and had a history with in New England. That trade attempt fell through and McDaniels is ready to win games with you, even though you're a prima donna and quite possibly the ugliest player in the NFL. Look in the mirror. I'm not kidding.

Bulldogs v. Huskies in Opening Round

MSU will travel over 2,400 miles to take on the Washington Huskies in Portland on Thursday in the first round of the NCAA tournament. The Bulldogs were assigned a #13 seed after winning the SEC tournament, while the Huskies won the Pac 10 regular season, earning them the #4 seed in the West pod.

It has been regarded as a down year for the SEC, but the tournament committee showed the league no love as the SEC was awarded only 3 bids - LSU (#8 seed), Tennessee (#9), and MSU.

Put On Your Dancing Shoes!!!!

The Mississippi State Bulldogs defeated the Tenn. Vol's moments ago to capture the 2009 SEC Hoops Tourney Championship and secure a birth in the Big Dance. It's the Bulldogs first tourney championship since 2002. MSU also won the overall SEC basketball championship in 2003 and lost in the finals of the tournament that same year. We'll be following the Bulldogs' seed and tourney outlook this week.

Gotta Love Eustachy

You've gotta show love for Southern Miss Coach Larry Eustachy (pictured, $h!T-faced, snugglin' with college cutie, circa 2003). Face it, Eustachy will never live down those photos of him throwing down, kicking it with young coeds after losses by his Iowa State team several years ago.

Eustachy resurfaced a few years back as head coach of the men's hoops program at Southern Miss. The one-time National Coach of the Year has cleaned up his act and devoted himself to winning at USM. That's why he has volunteered to give back $25,000 of his salary and bonuses to the university because he and his team have not lived up to the goals set forth after arriving in The Hub City. He was known as a lover of Natty Light and though he may have left behind late-night binges, he has preserved his generous lifeways. In addition to the 25large, he has been known to buy pizzas for the student section at Southern Miss home games. For the team's finale, he purchased one pizza, which provided 2 slices for each student in attendance. Viva Eustachy!!!!!