Andre Smith's Man Boobs (Moobs)

Is this the look of a first-round NFL draft pick?

Who is this: Biz Markie or Andre Smith?

Does he not have friends or coaches close enough to tell him to strap down those puppies and put on a t-shirt to run his 40?

Man, Smith has a tight set of man boobs. Those moobs can't be helping his draft stock right now.

For those that don't know, this is former University of Alabama LT Andre Smith. He was once considered a top-5 NFL prospect but has since seen his stock plummet after skipping out on the NFL Combine and accentuating his moobs by running a shirtless 40-yard dash at the Alabama Pro Day.

Tales from Morton Kid

Before the post-St. Paddy's Day Parade Crawfish Boil on Saturday, Papa Red and I took the 2-year-old Li'l Man to Morton Park. An attention-deprived, eleven-year-old kid with two lazy eyes, who was as wide as he was tall, befriended us and initialized a one-way conversation by pointing to Li'l Man and asking Papa, "Are you his Grandaddy?"

Papa: "Yeah."

Morton Kid turns to me and says, "He's got a good Grandaddy. My Grandaddy ain't worth nuthin'. He done cheated on my Grandmama six times. The last time was with an 18-year-old girl. And she was baaad retarded. And fat. Reeeal fat."

A few minutes later, Morton Kid proudly states, "I'm gittin' baptized tomorrow. But two friends of mine got baptized at that church last week. And they said that water was ice cold. So I'm wearin' a scuda suit."

One Great Thing

A few days ago, I read a teaser for what I think will be a great novel by Jason Otis. One Great Thing is a quarter finalist for the Amazon.com Breakthrough Novel Award and an excerpt can be read here:

http://www.amazon.com/One-Great-Thing-Amazon-Breakthrough/dp/B001UG3CNA

Memo to Crybaby Jay

Hey Crybaby Jay Cutler, shut up and play football.

When there are publicized rifts between owners and players, fans and players, players and whatever, I normally find myself siding with the players. I usually defend their salaries and rights to privacy, but Crybaby Jay, I'm siding with your Coach and the Broncos on your little belly-achin'.

The Broncos hired former Pat's Coach Josh McDaniels to take over head coaching duties in Denver in the wake of Mike Shanahan's firing. McDaniels and the Broncos attempted to trade Cutler to the Chiefs in exchange for Matt Cassell in a three-way trade with the Patriots that fell through. Cutler caught wind of the botched trade attempt and proceeded to begin crying about it. He is now skipping meetings, has put his Denver home up for sale, and is demanding to be traded.

Look Crybaby, sack up and play ball. You are in a business that is cut-throat, and teams and coaches will do whatever it takes to win games. Your new Coach wanted to bring in a QB that he was comfortable with and had a history with in New England. That trade attempt fell through and McDaniels is ready to win games with you, even though you're a prima donna and quite possibly the ugliest player in the NFL. Look in the mirror. I'm not kidding.

Bulldogs v. Huskies in Opening Round

MSU will travel over 2,400 miles to take on the Washington Huskies in Portland on Thursday in the first round of the NCAA tournament. The Bulldogs were assigned a #13 seed after winning the SEC tournament, while the Huskies won the Pac 10 regular season, earning them the #4 seed in the West pod.

It has been regarded as a down year for the SEC, but the tournament committee showed the league no love as the SEC was awarded only 3 bids - LSU (#8 seed), Tennessee (#9), and MSU.

Put On Your Dancing Shoes!!!!

The Mississippi State Bulldogs defeated the Tenn. Vol's moments ago to capture the 2009 SEC Hoops Tourney Championship and secure a birth in the Big Dance. It's the Bulldogs first tourney championship since 2002. MSU also won the overall SEC basketball championship in 2003 and lost in the finals of the tournament that same year. We'll be following the Bulldogs' seed and tourney outlook this week.

Gotta Love Eustachy

You've gotta show love for Southern Miss Coach Larry Eustachy (pictured, $h!T-faced, snugglin' with college cutie, circa 2003). Face it, Eustachy will never live down those photos of him throwing down, kicking it with young coeds after losses by his Iowa State team several years ago.

Eustachy resurfaced a few years back as head coach of the men's hoops program at Southern Miss. The one-time National Coach of the Year has cleaned up his act and devoted himself to winning at USM. That's why he has volunteered to give back $25,000 of his salary and bonuses to the university because he and his team have not lived up to the goals set forth after arriving in The Hub City. He was known as a lover of Natty Light and though he may have left behind late-night binges, he has preserved his generous lifeways. In addition to the 25large, he has been known to buy pizzas for the student section at Southern Miss home games. For the team's finale, he purchased one pizza, which provided 2 slices for each student in attendance. Viva Eustachy!!!!!

Salty's 1st-Round Draft Wish (as of March 9th)

Considering there’s no way that Aaron Curry or Brian Orakpo are available at the Saints' #14 draft pick, my #1 choice is USC’s OLB Brian Cushing. The Saints haven’t drafted a LB in the 1st round the last 14 years; They took Washington State’s Mark Fields in the 1st round in 1995, and it’s gotten worse since then.

Since then, they’ve selected:

2001 – Sedrick Hodge LB North Carolina (3rd round)
2002 – James Allen LB Oregon State (3rd round)
2003 – Cie Grant LB Ohio State (3rd round)
2004 – Courtney Watson LB Notre Dame (2nd round)
2005 – Alfred Fincher LB Connecticut (3rd round)

None of these linebackers are on the Saints current roster but they have been spotted on UFL teams coached by Jim Haslett, on the back of milk cartons, and down at J.J.’s, smoking Roi tan cigars and drinking RC Colas.

The Saints would do themselves well by choosing the best LB available at that spot, Brian Cushing, who will bring a blue-collar work ethic, along with solid and potentially Pro-Bowl caliber play to a Saints team primed to make a Super Bowl run.

Bulldogs defeat Webels in Oxford

Mississippi State defeated Mississippi tonight 82-80, paced by Barry Stewart's 17 points and contributions from freshman PG Dee Bost and PF Kodi Augustus, who netted 13 points each. The Dogs avenged a loss to Mississippi earlier this year in Starkville and defeated the Webels on their Senior Night in front of 9,030 at the Tad Pole.

Lame Kiffin

Coach Lame Kiffin hasn't coached a down at the University of Tennessee and I'm tired of him already. In an interview with Sports Illustrated, he bragged of firing administrative assistants, only to have publicists for the university issue statements that he had not fired anyone. He called out Florida Coach Urban Meyer on recruiting violations, only to have university publicists issue statements that Coach Meyer had not violated any recruiting regulations. In fact, the University of Tennessee has levied sanctions against themselves for three recruiting violations by Lame and his staff. Enough already.

In college, Lame was a backup QB at Fresno State for a few years and then quit his senior season to begin coaching. As a collegiate head coach, he is 0 - 0. As an NFL head coach, he was 5 - 15. He road the coattails of Pete Carroll at USC for a few years and had some success as OC. Who couldn't?

This upcoming season for the Vols and Lame will be interesting to see unfold. Vols fans won't tolerate losing for very long and Coach Lame may just give them something to complain about.

Saints Cut FB, Sign Another

On the eve of his wedding day, the New Orleans Saints cut five-year vet and fan favorite FB Mike Karney and signed unrestricted free agent FB Heath Evans, who played the last 3+ seasons with the Patriots. Karney's most memorable game was his 3-touchdown performance versus the Cowboys during the Saints run to the NFC Championship game in '06. Evans should prove to be a multifaceted back who will be more involved in Sean Payton's passing game and will also play special teams, which Karney did not.

Credit to Sulli, who texted me when this news broke.

Bulldogs defeat Florida Gators on Senior Night

The Mississippi State Bulldogs defeated Florida tonight by a score of 80-71 at The Hump in Starkville. The Bulldogs used a balanced attack and were on fire from 3-point land, making 10 of 20 from beyond the arc. For Florida, the loss may have dashed any hope they had for an invitation to the Big Dance, unless they win the SEC tourney in Tampa next week. The Bulldogs probably guaranteed themselves at least an NIT bid with their 9-point victory.

NFC South Free Agent Roundup

New Orleans - After re-signing All-Pro LB Jonathan Vilma and RT Jon Stinchcomb, the Saints (8-8, last place in the division) will return all 22 starters from the league's top-rated offense and porous defense. They also re-signed 3rd-string WR and one of the most dangerous deep threats in the league, Devery Henderson, and special teams ace and backup LB Troy Evans. The only new addition in free agency thus far is CB Jabari Greer, a former undrafted free agent from the University of Tennessee, who started for Buffalo the past two years and registered four INT's and two pick-6's that keyed victories for the Bills in 2008. Greer upgrades a Saints secondary that was toast in former DC's Gary Gibbs conservative 4-3 defense. Gibbs, a longtime friend and assistant to Coach Sean Payton, was fired shortly after the completion of the regular season and was replaced by defensive guru Gregg Williams. Coach Williams will implement an aggressive 4-3 defense that should prove to be the key to turning around a Saints defense that has been shredded the previous two seasons.

Tampa Bay - The Buc's (9-7, 3rd place, faded badly down the stretch) have made it clear that they are overhauling their ball club this offseason. The wholesale began when they fired Coach Chuckie and replaced him with their former secondary coach and first-time head coach, Raheem Morris. Along with Chuckie, they cut long-time defensive captain Derrick Brooks and much of the old guard including LB Cato June, RB Warrick Dunn, WR Joey Galloway, and WR Ike Hilliard. They traded draft picks to the Browns for TE Kellen Winslow and signed UFA Derrick Ward. Ward was one of two Giants RB's to rush for over 1,000 yards in '08 and will have every opportunity to prove his worth as the featured back in Tampa. Nay-sayers have argued that Ward piled on yards on 3rd- and longs and ran behind a stellar offensive line in New York, but he may prove to be a free agent gem for the Buc's. Tampa also added special teamers K Mike Nugent and backup LB Niko Koutouvides, re-signed special teams caption S Will Allen, and re-signed WR Michael Clayton. Tampa remains well under the salary cap and would figure to continue activity this offseason.

Carolina - The Panthers (13-3, division champs, lost in divisional round to Cardinals) have been rather quiet so far this offseason. They re-signed LT Jordan Gross and placed the franchise tag on All-Pro DE Julius Peppers. They released veterans, OL Jeremy Bridges, RB Nick Goings, and WR D.J. Hackett. Carolina seems poised to rely on what won them the division championship last year.

Atlanta - The Dirty Birds (12-4, 2nd place, lost in wild-card round to Cardinals) were the surprise team in the division last year after Coach Mike Smith stepped in for Bobby Petrino after he left town in dark of the night with three games remaining on the schedule. They drafted QB Matt Ryan to replace Mike Vick, and Ryan has the look of a franchise QB who will give the rest of the NFC South headaches for years to come. The Birds have not done much to improve on their success in 2008. Longtime defensive captain LB Keith Brooking signed with the Cowboys and starting CB Dominique Foxworth will also not be retained by the team. To compensate the loss of these starting defenders, Atlanta has signed a bunch of scrubs; A bad defense appears to have gotten worse this offseason. Matt Ryan and company will have to carry the load if the Birds expect to post their first back-to-back winning seasons in franchise history.

President Obama

President Obama has been in office for about a month and a half now, not eight years. He inherited an economic recession, unprecedented debt and spending, and a housing and stock market turned upside-down (as evidenced by my 401k that has been idling at -50% since last year). Let's give Mr. Obama some time to right the ship and turn things around. I believe the quality of life for my two boys will be much improved by the President and I throw my support to our country and Mr. Obama.